Wednesday, July 4, 2007

New Mantra

o.k. i am hopefully going to keep this one. IF YOU DO NOTHING, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN. i know it's sheer brilliance.. HA HA...
i come from people who only knew how to survive, not live.
logically i know what happens if i do nothing. for me it was get fat... the reason i got fatter was i quit smoking. it's almost been 2 years. now before you give a pat on the back.... i watched two loved ones die of lung cancer... not pretty. it looks horrific to be exact. the first one died when i was 11. you would think i wouldn't start. not so. i have lived with smokers all my life. so i guess technically i have always smoked. but i made the choice to smoke at 13. stupid yes...my mom was diagnosed with cancer in march of 99. died december 19 of 1999. did i quit then? no. it took not being able to breath. now i know what it feels like not to breath well. i have had many bouts of respiratory problems. it had become way to chronic.... i thought about my kids...if i were to die at 50 i would leave them at too young an age. if i felt orphaned at 27, how would they feel at 20 and 25?
so no smoking. no stress relief. leads to breakdown. over eating. anger.self loathing....
THERAPY...new ways to do things.
not feeling ashamed about liking myself?
still working on that one.
but if i do nothing, nothing will change.
i need change.
the one thing my mom taught me is....
i can change..
i finally feel like i can.
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You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.