Thursday, July 5, 2007

the day after or the tangent for the day..

i am beginning to think i hate all holidays....
i hate the way they make me feel.
even though i feel the same most of the time.
here the list:
no one wants my help even when i offer.
incompetent?
i smile no one else seems to smile back.
do i look stupid? ugly? crazy? unkind?
to be brutally honest, it's me... i don't know how to put myself out there...
if i do, i feel like i am being pushy.
i know how to be a host. not a guest.
i was always the reluctant host mostly because it wasn't me who invited the guests.
but i am all about being dutiful.
i feel like what i have to say must sound stupid most of the time.
i can play at being light.
but i never have been.
people worry too much about who they are wearing. not enough about starving children.
is it me or are most people that shallow?
i hope i am wrong.
i think, i need to not care about what i assume people think about me. but i do.
my real problem i am too afraid to be wrong, or to tell anyone i think they are wrong.
i need to get over that. but how?
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July 6, 2007 at 4:41 AM

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just me

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You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.